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People really fall in love for stupid reasons. Nobody seems to understand that a person cant make you better.i used to be majorly codependent so i know what im talking about. Now i believe the healthiest relationship is one where you dont need each other. You have to be completely autonomous so that when you say you love each other its real. Your not saying i love you bc you do something for me but i love you for you. Im definitely not looking for a man bc i know when God wants me to be with someone He will put him in my life.if everyone had faith we wouldnt waste our time and get heartbroken. Anyway,just my 2 cents. Lately ive been wore out but happy. I guess i feel more relaxed and like my hormones are stable. I got a new place,a new car,A NEW HAIRCUT! Owens doing great,Champ and i are actually getting along. I have to go to bed now.im happy but i am tired.

Oct. 13th, 2007

I am really trying to lose weight but i just dont know what exercises to do.i dont want to be skinny.i want to be stacked! Im trying to get my perky ghetto booty back..which i actually know how to do..and get rid of everything else.i need to get sexy.ive been really sick though.i got the stomache flu twice in 10 days. Owen got it too. He had to go to the er. Thats the first time hes ever been sick.he is just amazing.hes talking a lot.he calls my mom nini.he cries for her when hes unhappy with me.he says dada mostly when hes playing,sometimes when hes really upset.he says mama the rest of the time.he has said thank u a few times.he says dinku! He can stack his stacking rings and nesting blocks,he flips pages in his books and babbles like hes reading it. I love him! We are moving and hes going to have his own room and maybe bathroom.im so excited but im used to him sleeping next to me.

Hey!

I started taking my diet pills consistently and ive lost 7lbs in 10 days doing nothing. But 3 of those 10 days i didnt eat at all bc i was sick. Now im trying to exercise but i cant stop falling down! Im so uncoordinated but im trying.i need to go to bootcamp or have someone come work out with me 4 days a week to make sure i do it. I dont know how i feel about the dating thing. God kind of revealed some things to me and its pointless right now.if i hooked up with someone i would be doubting God. If people just took the time to talk to God and wait for an answer they wouldnt be so heartbroken.its kind of hard at first but it gets easier. Owen is still so sweet and cuddly.i love him! I was sitting in the floor and he crawled over just to kiss me! i still have to rock him to sleep and he still likes to take naps with me.hes such a good baby. He was put here for an important reason. if my only life purpose is to bring him into the world and be a good mom to him,that will be fine with me.

GRRRRR

I am trying to do what makes everyone happy and if champ would do what he says hes going to do,everyone would be.hes making me look stupid and making himself look like a deadbeat.i thought that after he held his son things would be different.maybe im just jumping to conclusions though.im supposed to be going there,HE TOLD ME TO!! He even told his family we were going. And he was supposed to call me so we could work out the details and he didnt! I took off work,shanna did too,my parents had to rearrange their schedule and he doesnt have enough respect to pick up the phone.he was so great with Owen and it seemed to me that he really loved him..and he said he does..he is definitely not acting like it at all.im so frustrated and dissapointed.i gave him way too much credit and respect...hes walking all over me and im just trying to make sure my son has a dad.

Yay!

Owen finally got to see his dad! Champ was so sweet to him.he hugged and kissed him non stop.i can tell he really loves him and Owen could feel that.hes going to be a wonderful dad.im kind of stressed out bc of my money situation but everything will work out. God doesnt ruin lives,people do and then we blame Him. But God makes it better anyway.i havent been depressed for awhile but ive been feeling dragged down.i even started taking hoodia but its not working.mentally im motivated but my body just doesnt want to move and my bones ache. The enemy knows ive got a grip on my mind so he is attacking my body. Owen had a fever last night.i gave him some tylenol and cuddled him to sleep.he woke up 2hrs later and was sweating and crying and looking at me so despairingly.i fed him and gave him orajel but he just kept crying like he was in horrible pain.so i called my mom bc i was thinking he had to go to the hospital but when she got here he farted and was fine! He just smiled and wanted to play...

Life..

Champ is being a good dad.but he never calls me when he says he will..its usually the next day. I like his family so far.i feel sorry for Owen though,hes got 5 aunts and only 1 uncle. But my little bro is really nice. I wish i could have a big family.i want atleast 4 kids. I want to live in a suburb with other stay at home moms and go to church and help other people and cook big meals and spoil my man! I tried to do fun stuff for Owens half bday but it was so hot! Im just so excited about life right now.im broke but i have a plan and i think its going to work out.i need to go to bed first!
I did my nails today and i feel so girly. Im afraid of messing them up though.owen didnt go to sleep until midnight.he usually goes to bed before 9..he was running around in his walker like a madman. He would back up and then run really fast into the kitchen.then he would back up even more and run faster! He purposely crashes into things. Hes got big calf muscles.i think that im going to feed him oatmeal twice a day and 2 jars of baby food at night.he eats every 2hrs and i think hes not getting enough from formula.my son is going to be big! Maybe..he definitely has a high metabolism.he eats twice as much as other babies and hes not even chubby.hes perfect and looks buff.hes going to be hot but hes NEVER GOING TO DATE! He cant practice his pitching if hes on a date.after he buys me and his dad a house and hes in the mlb hall of fame,then i will let him go on a group date.

Dieting

I cant stick to a diet or exercising.i just dont care.i definitely have no interest in meeting guys.its really not fair to Owen for me to put another man in his life. Champ and i are getting along and everything is cool between us.i never thought that would happen...he is being a good dad and when Owen understands he is his ONLY dad then i will think about being with someone. I do want to get married and have more babies.i also want to finish college. God wants me to focus on Owen and college and writing childrens books...i dont know why but thats what He wants. I told my friend Leigh what im going to write about and she thinks its a wonderful idea. I just understand kids. Anyway,i cant wait for Owen to play baseball! Im going to be wearing a shirt with his name on it and take signs and my megaphone!! I will cry when he starts school.im so excited about the future and ive never felt that way before.

Aug. 6th, 2007

It doesnt say anything in the bible about converting to marry. God only said to be equally yoked.it means that a believer has to marry another believer. Its about more than marrying someone who just believes there is a God.they need to be a practicing christian with a solid relationship with God. Correct me if im wrong but it doesnt say ANYTHING in the bible about different denominations! Y would God care if ur baptist or catholic?? He just wants u to love Him and obey Him and Jesus. But it is an insult to the Lord to marry a non believer. Especially in his house! Read 2 corinthians chapter 6 verses 14-18. Anyway, Owen is getting ornery.hes going through the hair pulling phase.he thinks its so funny..he also throws a fit when he drops a toy or wants something he cant have. He chases me in his walker and hysterically cries and slams his hands down. But most of the time he is very sweet and smiley! He loves to lay on mommys belly and listen to me make animal sounds.especially a kitty! Hes so cute!!!
Owen is so sweet! He is the happiest and cuddliest baby.i love him! Champ is going to melt when he sees him... My neighbor was holding him and he was snuggling her face and neck.she tried to kiss his cheek and he turned really fast and tried to kiss her mouth.hes such a flirt.i really want to have 4 or 5 kids...but with someone im married to.im a good mom but i am terrified of being pregnant again.i just want to have a huge family.i would feel so lucky.its always been hard for me to imagine being anything other than a mom. I always looked forward to it but never like this.that was part of my problem when i was being crazy.i want all my kids to come from the same man,i want to stay at home with them,thats never going to happen now.but thats life and just bc its not how i want doesnt mean it wont be great.i wouldnt trade Owen for anything ever.im glad that i brought such a wonderful person into the world.